Loving Lola- Ch. 49

I am here for you.

“Damn! Looks like the who city is here tonight,” Giselle says as they arrive at the gallery barely getting through the crowd. They ride around looking for a decent place to park for at least 10 minutes before finding a spot in the company parking lot. They sit in the car for a moment watching as more people fill the gallery, “the whole city came to this thing for real,” Jhené says, “I know right, let’s just go back home,” Giselle says cranking up the car, “Girl! No, we are here to support Lola, get out of the car. Your ass would say that after it took forever and a day to find a parking spot.” After a while of standing in line, they finally make their way to entrance. They each grab a flyer and pamphlet from the host, and just as they are entering, something stops Jhené. Not looking ahead, Giselle bumps into her from behind, “What the he-” Jhené grabs her arm and points her in the direction of Lola and their father, “oh shit…” “I didn’t think he would come,” Jhené says in a low voice, “what!? You invited him here?!” Giselle whispers in a panicked tone, “no! well… not really. I may have said something about it and then got upset when he started doing what dad does, so I slammed the flyer on his desk and left…” “Lord!” “I didn’t think he was going to show up though!” They watch the interaction between Lola and their father from a distance until they see Lola storm away. Their father adjusts his tie and walks into the crowd disappearing from their sight, “wait he’s staying? Why isn’t he leaving?” Jhené says looking for him amongst the crowd of people, “we have to go find Lola” Giselle says. Jhené looks at her with a surprised expression, “what happened to only here for support?” “Sigh, that’s exactly why we have to find her.”

Sam and Sophie arrive and are instantly entranced. They walk around marveling at the different pieces on display, “this gallery is amazing,” Sam says in awe. “I’ve lived in this city for almost 6 years now, and I have never stepped foot in here,” “well every time I’d ask you to come with me, you would just get mad and start yelling about how this wasn’t your life anymore,” Sophie says in rebuttal. “I was in a bad place… who knows, maybe if I would have just given it a chance and seen this place, it probably would have sparked my fire sooner,” “or made you even more reclusive.” Sam looks at her, “the point I’m trying to make is, only you could have gotten your spark back. You lost faith in yourself, so you had to be the one to believe in yourself again to get it back. Lola helped you see your greatness, but you are the one who made the first step. I thank her for whatever she said to make you feel inspired again, but remember it was Sam that had the final say so.” They continue walking looking at all the displays, “just think, your name could be here up on display one day,” Sam stops walking. Sophie turns and looks at him, “you okay?” “Thanks for always believing in me Soph. Hearing you say how great I was at this, or how I had so much potential to do that, made me feel like an even bigger disappointment because I didn’t feel that I was that guy anymore, yet, you never gave up on me… I will always be grateful for that.” Sophie puts her arm around his neck, “well if you really want to thank me, you could submit a piece for next year’s showcase,” “hahaha, let me pay off the studio first sis; but, there’s no harm in planning ahead. Sophie smiles and they continue admiring the pieces together.

Lola rushes off to the bathroom to clear her head running into the stall locking the door behind her. The door of the bathroom opens shortly after, so she reaches for the tissue but is stopped when she notices there isn’t any, “shit!” She says quietly, sniffling and wiping her face with her hand. Suddenly, there is a knock on her stall, “someone’s in here,” she says with her voice shaking. They knock again causing her to get upset. The person does not move from in front of the stall. Lola angrily opens the door, “I said someone is in here!” but is shocked to see her sisters standing there, “we just thought you might need to talk,” Giselle says holding tissues.

Loving Lola- Ch. 44

Diamonds in the rough.

“Great job guys, the display looks amazing!” Lola says as Stephanie adds the finishing touches. “Miss thang, this display is going to be the star of the showcase,” “yeah, this really came out beautifully.” “Thanks guys, I couldn’t have done any of this without you,” Lola smiles, pulling them in for a hug. Timothy glances at the time, “oop, alright my loves, I have got to get going,” he says grabbing his things, “and where are you off to in such a hurry?” Lola says with her arms folded, “well If you must know, I have a date with Enrique tonight, and I have to go get fine!” Lola and Stephanie look at each other, “Who is Enrique, what happened to Jacob?” Lola asks, “girl please, Jacob is a thing of the past, Enrique is the new flavor of the week; he’s my spicy Latino,” Timothy says swooning. “Awe, but I really liked Jacob,” Lola says pouting, “yeah, Jacob liked everyone else to,” says Timothy rolling his eyes, “but it’s alright, I laughed, I loved, and I found someone new!” “Well I still hate you guys ended on bad terms,” “I’m not, sometimes we have to go through the rough to find our Diamonds,” “aww, well I’m happy for you boo,” “thank you honey, but don’t think this means you’re off the hook, I have not forgotten about mister dove chocolate,” “hahaha, his name is Eric.” “Oh, was that the guy you went out to lunch with?” Stephanie asks, “girl you saw him to?” Timothy interjects. “Yall are too nosey for your own good, but yes that was him.” “Ugh! I have to go, do not spill any tea without me!” “Hahaha, alright fine. I have to get going myself, thank you again Stephanie, the display looks amazing,” Lola says giving her a hug, “n-no problem, it was all your idea anyway,” “still, I couldn’t have brought it to life without you guys, I’ll see you tomorrow, have a good night.” Lola goes back to her office to grab her things. When she opens her drawer to get her phone, she sees that she has a text message from Eric.

“Andrew, make sure your team is ready to present their findings at tomorrows board meeting, we must secure the Keis position as soon as possible, so closing that deal is top priority. Alright everyone, that’s enough for today, we will reconvene at 10am.” When everyone gets up to leave, Jhené stays behind to help clean up. “You didn’t have to stay you know,” Giselle says collecting the files from the table, “yeah I know, but I figured you could use an extra hand anyway,” “thank you, but I’m fine, this isn’t my first conference you know,” Jhené rolls her eyes and starts collecting the papers from around the table, “I’m not helping you out of pity, you’re my ride and you know how Lola gets whenever we’re late,” Giselle smirks and continues compiling the papers. “… asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, you don’t have to keep carrying everything on your own, it is okay to rely on others sometimes you know,” “oh really? And what do you think people will say if they hear that the president of the company is asking for assistance? Nonetheless, what do you think our father will say?” “I’m sure no one would say anything bad, if anything, they will see you as a person just like them,” Giselle slams the papers down on the table, “No Jhené, they won’t! These people don’t want to help me, if I showed any sign that I could not do this on my own, they will use that as leverage to try and rip this position right from under me… I may seem mean and distant, but it’s because I have to be, nothing is given to us for free; if I have never taught you anything, I’m teaching you that, it’ll save you a lot of disappointment in the long run.” Giselle gets up and takes the papers from Jhené, “meet me at the car, I’ll be down in a minute,” just before leaving the room she stops and turns to Jhené, “thank you… for staying behind,” “girl you’re insane” Jhené says shaking her head, Giselle smiles and leaves the room.

Hey, I just want to apologize for the way I acted today. Your business is your business and it was very childish of me for to get upset like that. I had no right to feel obligated to know what’s going on in your life and for that I am sorry.” Oh, yea that’s good, I’ll say that… right after I get out of the shower… and eat dinner… oh and I still have to meet Giselle and Jhené… I’ll just call him tomorrow. Ring, ring, ring, Lola looks at the phone and sees Eric’s name, SHIT!!! She paces back and forth, and before she realizes, “Hello?”

Loving Lola- Ch. 37

A “Piece” of Mind.

“Welcome to the Artis et Operis Gallery, where every piece of art has a story to tell!”

Although these past few days have been a rollercoaster of crazy ass emotions, with a hardy helping of bullshit on a stick, coming to work always makes me forget everything I thought mattered because here, they don’t. My life is far from perfect, but this, being able to find works of art that not only speaks to me, but echoes volumes to everyone who sees it, fills me with this peace that I never thought I’d find. I’ve always known that I wasn’t the, “running a company type”. Sitting in the big chair at the head of the table was never my forte, I was content with just having a seat at the table. However, that contentment was never enough. Have you ever felt like you’ve just been putting one foot in front the other, not really knowing where you were headed? That was my life before this Gallery. For years, I’ve just been climbing this hill of hierarchy for the sake of my family, constantly wondering if there would be anything left at the top for me. That kind of uncertainty would probably force others in my position to work their hardest just so they can get the chance to see what lies at the top, but that didn’t fuel me at all. If anything, it just made me feel empty inside. Not only was I not confident in my abilities at holding my seat at the table, but I also found myself parading around in a mask of self-assurance, shrouding in despair. I could not take living unsure of what was to be of my life anymore, but I didn’t have the power to leave on my own.

The first time a piece of art spoke to me, something inside me clicked, and everything just made sense in that moment. I’m not even sure if it was the piece itself, or if it was the way it made me feel. When I looked at it, the story it told helped me see how things in my life would never change just by aimlessly placing one foot in front of the other. I realized I was only trying to fit into a pair of shoes that were clearly not meant for me and that, that gave me the power I needed to leave my family’s company. The hardest thing was leaving my sisters behind, but I knew if I only stayed for them, I would just resentment them later so, I did what was best for me. I’m sure they all thought I was either stupid or selfish for leaving, but by doing so, I found something I was never going to find being there, and that’s happiness and a peace of mind.

Loving Lola- Ch. 20

No More Hurt.

Knock, knock, knock, Giselle and Jhené have been outside waiting for Lola to open the door. “I don’t think she can hear us, that music is too loud.” Jhené says, “yeah, I’m just going to call her.” Giselle calls Lola, interrupting her music. She runs to the phone and disconnects it from the loudspeaker. “Hello?” “Can you open the door please? We’ve been out here knocking for at least 7 minutes now.” “What? I didn’t even hear anything.” “WE KNOW!” “My bad, here I come.” Click. Lola rushes to the door to let them in. “I’m so sorry, I was cleaning the house, and yall know how I get when I’m in my zone.” “Well it definitely smells better in here,” Giselle comments. “Gee, thanks. So, what’s up?” “Well we came over because we wanted to hear all about your date last night,” “yeah, seeing how you haven’t answered any of our phone calls or responded to any of our texts” Jhené says rolling her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry yall, I just really needed to clean my house.” Lola says picking up trash. Giselle and Jhené look at each other. “So instead of calling us back assuring your safety, you decided to clean up? What’s up, is everything okay?” “Yeah, everything is fine. Yall seen how this place was, a deep cleaning was well overdue.” “You know you can tell us anything right?” “There’s nothing to tell, I’m fine.”

There is a brief moment of silence. “So, the date? Did it go well?” asks Jhené. “Actually yes. He took me to possibly one of the most beautiful restaurants that I’ve ever seen. It sat on the side of the mountain, and had this amazing garden, which we walked through before dinner. Once we sat down to eat, we laughed and had very enticing conversation the whole time, and then we ended the night off with a walk along this trail that ran up the side of the mountain.” “Oh, that sounds really nice,” says Giselle “Yeah, it was. I’m still surprised he got me to walk on a trail at night.” Lola chuckles. “So, what’s the problem?” “Problem? There. Is. No. Problem.” Lola says scrubbing her bathtub profusely. “Lola stop, tell us what happened?” Giselle says. Lola doesn’t say anything and keeps scrubbing. “Did something happen?” Jhené asks concerned. She stops and puts her head down, “No, I’m just tired that’s all. He didn’t do anything so don’t worry, he’s a nice guy.” “So then what’s wrong?” Lola takes a deep sigh, “he said some things that I cannot escape from, and he’s right.” “What did he say?” “Nothing that I didn’t already know.” “Well can you help us understand?” “…The night he met us, he said that even through my smile he could see I wasn’t truly happy, and that’s fine because I wasn’t really trying to hide the fact that I wasn’t too happy about being out, but then he started saying things… saying the truth, and it killed me to know that someone outside of you guys saw through me that easily.

I am trying to forget the past. I am trying to forget the hurt. I am trying to accept the harsh reality that, I may never be enough for anyone; I will always be good, but never good enough. People don’t understand how hard that pill is to swallow, but I drink my water every day to get it down. You think I like pasting this smile on face? You think I enjoy feeling empty inside after believing that maybe, just maybe this guy, or the last guy actually meant what they said when they told me “I want you”, or that “you’re beautiful”, or my favorite, “I love you”? Because I don’t. I try to see the action behind the words, and when I don’t, I don’t hold on for some miraculous day where they’ll wake up and see how great I really am, I let go like how I’m supposed to. But to sit here and say that there isn’t a piece of me that is chipped away after every failed encounter, would be the biggest lie of them all. I wish all of these repressed feelings never existed, but even when I try and fix it, I realize it’s too late, because sadly, the damage is too great. Yet, when I tell myself, you’ve been here before, for some odd reason I can’t think straight, but then it all hits me, these men… they were only bodies of hard shells filled with nothing but empty space. So, Eric may be a great guy, who is a genuine person that truly believes I deserve to simply smile… but I refuse to get my hopes up and be let down once again.”

Loving Lola- Ch. 18

I’m Sorry…

Lola stands there quietly. “Look, Lola I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries, I just really like you and I wanted you to know that you don’t have to hide anything from me.” She looks at him with a straight face, “you’re right, you don’t know me. Excuse me.” Lola starts to head back to the cars, “wait, where are you going?” He says grabbing her hand. “Home.” “What? But I thought we were having a good time?” Lola looks away, “maybe this all happened too quickly… Thank you for an amazing evening, good night Eric.” She turns and walks away. Eric stands there upset and confused as he watches Lola as she disappears from the trail. Lola makes it back to her car, unlocks the door and sits there for a moment. She looks up to ceiling and lets out a big sigh, then cranks up her car and drives away. Once she arrives home, she throws her purse on the bed and kicks off her shoes. She removes her dress and puts on a big t-shirt then makes her way to the bathroom. She begins washing the makeup off her face and then stops, she stares at herself in the mirror, “I could clearly see your sadness no matter how you tried to hide it.” She plays back the words Eric spoke to her in her head. She splashes her face with water and looks down into the sink, ding, ding, she hears her phone going off in the room then looks up at herself once more. She dries her face, cuts off the light, and the leaves the bathroom. Ding, ding, her phone goes off again, but she ignores it. She climbs into bed, turns off the light, and closes her eyes.

The next morning, Lola wakes up to 4 missed calls and 17 unread text messages, 15 of which from her sisters. However, sees two messages from Eric and clicks to open them, “Hey, I’m not sure what happened but I just want to apologize. I know sometimes I speak without thinking, but I never intended to make you feel like I knew anything about you, if anything, I’d hope you let me get to know you in time, and I hope I did not mess up my chances to do that.” “Anyway, I had an amazing time with you tonight, I hope this isn’t our last encounter, but if it is, I understand. You are truly a beautiful woman, inside and out and you deserve someone who will never let you go a day thinking otherwise. Have a good night Lola.” Her eyes begin to water but she quickly pulls herself together, WORDS, WORDS, ALL OF THESE FUCKING WORDS! I am so tired of the “you deserve” “you’re so perfect” “you’re so beautiful” because… Regardless of how amazingly beautiful, and perfect I am, I will still never be enough. Goodbye Eric. She drops her phone on the bed, goes into the bathroom, and shuts the door.

“Have you heard from Lola?” asks Giselle. “No, she hasn’t responded to any of my calls or texts.” “Yeah, she hasn’t responded to the group chat either. You think the date went well?” “Knowing her, anything could have happened; I just hope she’s okay.” “She’s alright, if anything she’s probably still asleep, you know she doesn’t get up till about one in the afternoon, and that’s on a good day. Don’t worry, she’s a big girl, she’ll tell us about it when she’s ready.”

Eric rolls over and checks his phone, no new messages. He puts his phone down and wipes his face then gets out of bed making his way to the bathroom. He turns on the shower then begins removing his clothes. He walks over by the sink and grabs his rag and towel then proceeds to get in the shower. Ring, ring, ring. Before he is fully submerged in the water, he hears his phone going off in the room. He quickly runs to the bedroom and checks the phone to see who is calling. Disappointed, he sees that it is Justin. “Hello?” “Yo E! What’s up? How was the date?” “Justin I can’t talk right now; I’ll call you back later.” “Huh? You ight man?” “Yeah, I’m gone hit you back later alright?” “Ight then, hit me back.” Click. Eric lets out a big sigh, tosses his phone on the bed then goes into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

Loving Lola- Ch. 17

The Night is Still Young.

Lola eagerly looks at Eric while he assesses his plate. “Stop acting like it doesn’t look good and just taste it!” “Alright, alright.” Eric scoops a fork full of the medley and takes a bite. Lola, still watching him, cannot contain her excitement. “So, what do you think?” Eric still chewing, does not say a word. “Do you hate it?” He takes a sip of his wine and looks at Lola with a straight face, “that’s amazing.” Lola sighs and starts to laugh, “You are so dramatic!” “I had to make sure you were all in, I just couldn’t give it to you.” “Hahaha, well I’m glad you like it.” “What about you? Have you tasted your dish yet?” “After I saw that it was pasta, I was sold.” They finish their meals with endearing conversation and laughs. The waitress offers a dessert, but they both decline. She collects the check from the table, then returns with their receipt and Eric’s card. The two get up from the table and see their way out.

“That was amazing! The food, the atmosphere, the garden, everything was lovely. Thank you so much for inviting me out tonight.” “No, thank you accepting my invitation.” “Of course.” She says looking at him. “Well, it’s only 9 and I’m not quite ready to say goodnight yet, would you care to take a walk on the trail with me?” “Yes, I’d like that. But, let me do something really quick.” Lola walks to her car and grabs a pair of shoes from the back. She takes off her heels, places them on the floor in the backseat, puts on a pair of sandals then meets Eric back at his car. “So, do you normally keep an extra pair of shoes in your car?” both looking down at her shoes, “Yes actually, I do,” she says laughing. “Mhm, okay. Are you ready?” They leave their cars in the parking lot and proceed to walk the trail running up the mountain alongside the restaurant.

“This was a great idea. Its crazy how this restaurant is not only built on a mountain, but also has a trail connected to it. Thank goodness its well-lit, because otherwise this would have been a hard hell no for me.” “Hahaha, why a hard hell no?” “I already don’t do outside, let alone outside at night, but a non-lit walk outside at night on a trail up a mountain? Yeah no, I will be the only black survivor in this film because your girl is not setting herself up like that.” “Hahaha, wow, you really believe I’d do you like that?” “I don’t know, I was taught to not put anything past anyone.” “Wow, that hurts.” “Hahaha, I’m just saying. Some people have ill intentions, so you have to stay on your toes.” She says looking around at the trees. Eric stops, and slightly grabs her arm, “do you believe I have ill intentions?” “Honestly, I don’t know. I want to say no, because you seem like a nice guy, but I’ve met my share of nice guys who turned out to be not so nice.” “I understand.” “Yeah, but that’s all in the past, things happen, wounds heal, and we keep it pushing.” She says with a smile. “You don’t have to do that you know,” “Hm, do what?” “Act like everything is okay. You have a beautiful smile, but it looks even more beautiful when you’re not trying to hide your pain. We all experience things that causes us pain, whether it be from a person or a situation either in or out of our control, but the more you try and keep that inside and act like it doesn’t matter, the more it will consume the real you. The first time I saw you, I was captivated by you, but when I saw you up close, I could clearly see your sadness no matter how you tried to hide it. I don’t know what you went through, but I could tell that it was still weighing heavy on your mind. I know words probably don’t mean that much to you, and you’ve probably heard a lot of different things in the past, but my intentions will never be to cause you pain. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but I hope that you see that I mean everything I say. I was taught in order to give your words some meaning, you must back them up with action, and that is something I live by every day.”

Loving Lola- Ch. 12

It’s a date.

Lola and Sam stand in silence, “are you okay?” Lola asks him. “Yeah, I’m just… I didn’t think anyone outside of my family liked my art…” “Are you serious? The only reason why I took that art class was because of a painting created by YOU. I doubt you would even remember this but, the first time we met was at the art showcase before that semester started. You saw me looking at your piece and asked me what I thought about it. I didn’t know you were the creator then, but I was completely captivated by your painting. At that time, my life was consumed with things I thought I needed; things I thought I cared about even… but when I saw your work, I felt kind of incomplete. Everything I was so sure of changed in the 5 to 7 minutes I stood there staring at that painting. Taking that art class was probably the best thing to ever happen to me believe it or not, and YOUR work did that. How could you not believe your talent surpasses family accreditation?” Sam stands there in silence. “Thank you… Lola. I-I have to go.” “Did I say something wrong?” “No, no, just, thank you.” Sam turns and walks back to his car. Lola saddened and confused, watches as he walks away. “All this time… And my feelings haven’t changed at all.”

Did I offend him? I hope I didn’t creep him out or anything; maybe that was too much. Nice job Lola. Lola gets in her car and cranks it up. Ring, ring, ring “Hello?” “LOLA! ARE YOU OKAY!?” Lola chuckles placing her hand on her face, “yes Jhené, I’m fine.” “Why didn’t you text us as soon as you got your phone back!? I was about to call the police on that creep.” “Trust me, Sam is not a creep…He’s far from that.” “Where are you?” “I’m still at the bar, but I’m on my way back now, I’ll see yall in a minute,” “You better hurry up!” Click. Lola looks up at the ceiling, Samuel Guevara. Ring, ring, ring, “Oh my goodness, I’m on my- “Unknown caller” who is this? Hello?” “Hey Lola, it’s Eric, how are you?” Oh shit! I forgot about him! “Hey Eric! I’m great, how are you?” “I’m good. I was calling to see if you’d like to join me for dinner tonight? It’s this nice spot off Mount Cole I’d love to take you,” “that sounds great.” “Really?! Great! Would you like me to pick you up or do you want to meet there?” My sisters would kill me if I let this man pick me up, “I can meet you there.” “Okay. How does 7:30 sound?” “Perfect.” “Okay cool, I’ll text you the address.” “Okay, see you tonight.” Click. Lola lets out a big sigh, I really have to wash my clothes, I don’t have shit to wear!

Eric hangs up the phone and cannot contain his excitement. Justin looks at him with disappointment. “Damn, she said yes huh?” “Yes. She. Did. Your sour ways cannot affect me anymore Justin, for I have a date tonight,” he sings and dances his way to the bathroom. “Don’t fuck it up!” Justin yells to him. “I’m ignoring you. Blocking all of your negative energy right now!”

Lola makes it back to Giselle’s house where her sisters are impatiently waiting. Knock, knock, knock “Who is it?” Giselle yells. “Is that Lola?” asks Jhené “because it better be.” Giselle looks out the peep hole and see’s Lola holding a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. She opens the door and they look at each other, “I’m sorry?” Lola says holding out the box of doughnuts, “the hot light had better been on.” Giselle says taking the box from her. Lola smiles and they both walk inside.

Loving Lola- Ch. 5

Heart to Heart.

“Yall, I’m really glad I came out tonight. I really needed this.” “Yeah you did. I know you had high hopes for this last one, but maybe that’s a sign that you should focus on yourself for a while.” “I did focus on me for a while! And then Landon fucked it all up! And what kind of name is that anyway?! A stupid ass name for a stupid ass boy!” Lola takes a sip of her drink, “but I really thought he was different. For the first time, someone’s words actually matched their actions… He was nice AND fine! I was really attracted to this one, and yall know that is so hard for me. I just knew he was going to be around for a while. I guess the jokes on me… again.” Jhené grabs Lola’s arm and rests her head on her shoulder, “these guys just aren’t ready for what you have to offer. They see what they want to and when they get to know you, they don’t know how to handle a beautiful, intelligent, woman who also considers others. They get scared because they know at the end of the day, they cannot amount to what you need in a partner. Everything happens for a reason. Whoever got to experience you, needed your light at the time, just keep shinning like you do.” Lola wipes a tear from her eye, “aww, thanks Jhené,” she says petting her head. “See, there you go fucking up the mood.” They all chuckle. “Jhené is right though, you have a dope soul, don’t ever doubt your worth or beauty; love is found by learning from the experience of each failed attempt.” “Okay, what have yall done with my sisters because yall are dropping hella Gems right now!” They all laugh and do a group hug. “We’re just stating facts. If you want to chill for a while, then do that, but don’t be discouraged, you’re going to find someone who can’t even fathom letting you go.” “Alright, alright, enough tears, yall messing up my makeup, we need another round of shots. But first, I have to pee.” “Oh yeah, me to! Lola, order us some shots.” Giselle and Jhené rushes off to bathroom.

Lola pulls out her phone and scrolls through her contacts list looking for Landon’s number. “It’s time to finally let go of you.” She deletes his contact, and all the pictures they took together. “Ahh, closure.” She locks her phone and puts it down in her purse but doesn’t notice it falling in the seat behind her. “Alright Lola, no more sulking, you are better than that. Time to get your shit together. Those heffas’ said your house stank, how could you let it get that bad!” She takes a sip of her drink and scans the room for her waiter. She and Eric locks eyes for a moment, “hmm, creepy camera guy. He is kind of cute.” She smirks then breaks the glance looking down at her drink. “Girl, can you heal properly before you hop into another disappointment.” Giselle and Jhené returns from the bathroom. “Lola did you put in an order for our shots?” “The waiter never came back; I’ve been looking for him since yall left,” “you are just unreliable” “Shut up!”

“You fellas want another beer?” asks the waitress. “Yes, and can I get a shot of Hennessey please,” says Eric. Justin and Damien look at him. “Aw shit!” “What Damien?” Eric asks annoyed. “What are you about to do?” “What are you talking about?” “Man, the only time you drink henny, is when you’re plotting something.” “Whatever, you tripping.” “You trying to get a little hair on your chest before you approach ol’ girl huh?” Justin asks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “I saw yall making googly eyes when her girls left the table. Funny how you were talking all that shit about Damien staring and not saying nothing and you over here big creeping.” “First of all, that was you talking all that shit, I just wanted him to move on, and I’m not creeping on anyone. We just so happen to be looking in the same direction.” “Man, yo ass was looking at her for 10 minutes before she even looked over here.” “Why are you watching me anyway, mind ya business.” “I am minding my business; I just don’t want everybody to think we the creep table since I’m drinking with two peeping toms.” “Fuck you Justin.” Eric gets up from the table and goes to the bar. Damien looks at Justin, “What’s wrong with you?” Justin picks up his beer and looks away.

Short: The little things.

“Oh my gosh, you’re bleeding!” Those were the last words I heard before waking up in the hospital. As I awoke, I saw all my friends and family staring at me sitting at my bedside. I didn’t know what to say at first, so I said what any conscious minded person would, “Is there something on my face?” They all laughed, but I was serious. I was dressed to the nines in hospital chic; I was the coolest cat in the room. People were asking me if I was alright or if I felt any different, but I didn’t know how to respond. I really didn’t remember how I felt before so I just nodded and said I’m fine. Some tried to hug me with those awkward one-armed hugs, ugh, I hate those. Others just smiled, trying their hardest not to shed more tears; they thought I couldn’t tell but it was literally all over their face. Puffy red eyes, smudged makeup, really, if they were trying to hide it, they did a horrible job.

When the doctor came in, everyone’s semi-happy faces turned very serious, very quickly. “Well, everything’s going to be just fine.” They all cheered with joy and the rain started pouring in, by rain I mean tears, and lots of them. I’m glad they were all happy, but I still didn’t know what was going on. “But,” the doctor interjected, and the room came to a rushing calm, “We couldn’t save her arm…” Wow. Then it hit me, I was going to have to give awkward one-armed hugs for the rest of my life. Some started crying all over again and others rushed to the doctor looking for other ways to attach my arm; can anyone say Dr. Frankenstien?

You’re probably wondering how I ended up here, well I can’t tell you because I don’t remember, but, I’m sure someone will fill me in later. I started moving around to see which arm was gone, yea like I couldn’t tell, but I felt a sharp pain on my left side. Awe man, that’s my writing hand! Which was my first thought, but it was still intact. My right arm, however, was the missing link. It was weird not having it around. No more clapping, no more rubbing my head and patting my tummy, or patting my tummy and rubbing my head. No more hand games. I was a little sad. If I couldn’t multitask with two arms, I didn’t know how I was going to survive now.

So, we all just learned the reason I was hospitalized, are we missing anything? Other than my arm, (dark humor) oh yea, how I lost it in the first place. Well, my sister’s cousin’s great aunt (my grandmother) told me that I lost my arm while driving in the car with my friends. Very vague I tell you, so I was forced to go and ask “my friends” in which whom I was driving.

(Friend 1) We were on our way back to school from (friend 2) house when your arm got hit. (Me) I’m sorry, I need a little bit more details than that. (Friend 2) You know that sharp corner by the gas station we have to go around just before the railroad tracks? (Me) Yea, I hate that turn, (friend 2) Well, you had your arm out of the window, like always, (me and friend 1) like always, (friend 1) When there was a car coming around the corner. It was going really fast, and it turned at the same time as we did. When we turned, we all leaned, (friend 2) and your arm went even further out the window, and the car hit it. At first, we didn’t know what happened because you didn’t react, (friend 1) but I screamed and saw blood all over you, and when you turned to look, you fainted.

Well, I am just in disbelief, flabbergasted! There are no words.

The doctor gave the okay to go home a week later. In therapy, I had to adjust to life with one arm. It wasn’t easy, but I could manage. It’s funny how we take the little things for granted, like getting dressed, or putting toothpaste on your toothbrush without it falling over, having all the toothpaste stick to the countertop. There are so many things I just refuse to wear anymore because of its complexity. Like wired bras, well those things were hard with two hands, but socks for sure. Putting on socks with one hand is not an easy task. When you finally get one, you’re too tired to try and put on the other one, so you just walk around with one sock on- all day.

Welp, that’s my story. If you got confused a little, don’t feel bad, I had to hear it a couple more times before I could fully understand too. The moral of the story is, keep all body parts inside of the vehicle at all times, or you’ll be forced to give awkward one-armed hugs with just one sock on for the rest of your life 🙂


Witches brew

Double, double boil and trouble,
Moments of pain you have to juggle.
Deep inside it has to fester,
That little monster, pain can pester.
When you feel you’re doing fine,
It comes and bites you from behind.
Growing more and more each day,
Because you won’t let it go away.
Stop holding onto that which was,
And create a better feeling cause,
Pain can take on full control,
And leave you with an empty soul.
So listen and do as you’re told,
And leave that feeling frozen cold.
Let go and you’ll no longer dwell,
On what used to be, and the pain as well.