Loving Lola- Ch. 46

Secrets and Lies.

“Hey, you alright in here?” Giselle is sitting on the toilet with pieces of tissue in her hands. “I’ve been trying so hard not to break us up since mom died, and all I’ve managed to do was push us further and further away from each other.” “That’s not true,” Jhené says walking into the bathroom, “I’m still here, and you can’t push me away even if you wanted to.” “You know what I mean,” Giselle says blowing her nose, “I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes in the past, but I finally started to feel like we were getting back to where we used to be.” Lola goes to look for them. “Listen, all that stuff that happened with Sam, Lola, and the company was probably going to happen even if you hadn’t-” “hadn’t what?” Lola says walking into the bathroom. Giselle hops from the toilet, “even if you hadn’t what?” “Oh, no Lola I was just saying that-” Jhené tries to explain. Lola’s looks at Giselle, “G? What is she talking about?” Giselle stands there in silence, with tears rushing down her face, “Lola, please,” Jhené says pleading with her, “No Jhené, I want her to tell me what she did, I need to hear her say it…” she says as her eyes begin to water. Giselle’s eyes grow wide as she looks at Lola, “did, did you know?” “I always thought it was dad who convinced one of his devout chairman to run him away to try and keep me there, but it wasn’t, was it?” “Lola…” Giselle reaches out for her, “why?” Lola says backing away from her, “Lola please let me explain,” “then explain, why would you do that to me? You of all people knew I was unhappy there, but Sam… he made being stuck there bearable for me and you knew that… so why would you send him away from me?” “Lola, I- I didn’t have a choice,” Giselle says to her crying, “our father saw Sam as a threat to the company. He saw how close you were getting and the conversations you’d have about leaving the company… he was infuriated,” “so what? He sent you of all people to get rid of him?” Lola says with tears in her eyes, “…yes.” “How could you?” “I didn’t want to do it Lola I swear!” “But you did, didn’t you?” “Please,” “So what did he offer you in return? More money? A higher position?” Lola’s eyes widen, “he made you president, didn’t he?” “Lola PLEASE!” “Ugh, wow, so much for family huh… And you know, the fucked up part is that I’m not even mad about Sam, I mean yeah I was hurt when he left, but the fact that it was my family who’d stop at nothing to rip away any piece of happiness we had because of fabricated feelings they had toward an artist! Yes, I did talk to Sam about leaving and pursuing a career in art, but all I thought was how I could never leave you guys or break the pact we made… but after everything happened, I realized dad didn’t care about what made us happy, he only cared about that damn company, and that’s when I realized I could no longer stay there. I hoped that you guys would find solace outside of that place and we all could be free of him, but I guess that was naïve of me huh. Lola, “always the dreamer”, isn’t that what dad would say? Somethings never change, even though people do… You guys can just let yourselves out.” She walks out their way so they can leave, Giselle wipes her nose and the tears from her eyes, “Jhené?” Lola calls out to her, “…how long have you known?” Jhené turns and looks at her, “I just found out.” Lola turns around and wipes the tears from her eyes, “but that doesn’t make me any less guilty, so if you’re going to hate her, then hate us both.” Jhené gathers their things and walks with Giselle out of the room. Once they reach the front door Giselle calls out to Lola, “I am so, so sorry, but please don’t hate Jhené, she had nothing to do with this,” Lola walks to her bedroom door, “I would never hate either of you… please lock the bottom lock on your way out,” she says closing her bedroom door.

Loving Lola- Ch. 45

Expectation vs. Reality.

Knock, knock, knock, Lola rushes to the door and looks out the peep hole, “okay, well my sisters are here now, so I will talk to you tomorrow,” “alright, enjoy the rest of your night beautiful,” “I will, you enjoy yours as well, good night,” “good night.”  Lola hangs up the phone and opens the door, “well, I guess it’s safe to say that you and Eric are on good terms,” Giselle says walking through the door, “what?” Lola asks, “girl we heard your lil conversation through the door” Jhené says. “Oh that, hehe, that was just…” Both Giselle and Jhene look at her with a stale face, “yes, yes we are fine.” “Good. So, what is it that you needed to discuss?” Giselle says going through the cabinets in the kitchen, “also, I need wine. I know youhave some hidden away somewhere.” “Oh, check the bottom cabinet to the right,” Jhené hops up, “is it white or red?” “WHITE!” Giselle yells from the kitchen, “want some?” she asks, “yes please!” Jhené sings while dancing to the kitchen, “oh and give me one of her fancy glasses, I’m feeling classy tonight,” she says wiggling her eyebrows. “Fuck that, a red solo cup is the mood for me; considering the day I’ve had.” “Why what happened today?” Lola asks walking into the kitchen, “uh, you know, company bullshit,” Giselle says grabbing the bottle of wine, “we have yet to close the Keis deal and dad is breathing down my neck about it, you know, a little stress here and there, but its whatever.” “Well I hope things work out, I know dad has been trying to get them on board for a while,” “yes ma’am!” Jhené says jumping on the couch, “now enough of that, what was so important that you couldn’t have told us through text?” “Well,” Lola walks in the center of the room, “lord, you’re not pregnant, are you?” Jhené blurts out, “what?! Hell no!” “Ugh, who would be the dad?” Giselle says with her face scrunched up, “eww I know right, the last person you slept with was uh, what’s his name?” “It started with a J right?” asks Giselle, “no it was a W,” says Jhené, “William?” Giselle says, “no, Wesley!” shouts out Jhené “Yeah Wesley!” Giselle concurs. Lola, who is getting annoyed, looks at them, “are yall finished or yall done?” “My bad,” Jhené says taking a sip of wine, “but just to clear, you are NOT having Wesley’s baby, right?” Giselle says, “ugh, I AM NOT PREGNANT! And his damn name was not Wesley, it was Landon” “LANDON!” both Giselle and Jhené yells out, “I hate both of yall,” says Lola rolling her eyes.

“Okay, we’re sorry for interrupting you, please tell us your important news,” Giselle says simmering down, Lola takes a deep breath, “well, they are launching a new Artis et Operis Gallery soon and the exhibitioner wants me to be their head curator once it opens…” “That’s great, right? I mean you make it seem like a bad thing or something,” “right.” Jhené agrees. “No, it’s an amazing opportunity, I would be getting paid triple what I am now and many of my artists would probably headline a lot of their showcases.” “Okay, am I missing something? This is good news, but I feel like we’re waiting for a bomb to drop,” says Giselle. “The new gallery is opening… in New York and I have to give my final answer by the end of the month…” The sisters sit in silence avoiding eye contact, “please say something you guys,” “um, well I think it’s an amazing opportunity Lola and I’m happy for you,” Jhené says. “Thanks. What about you G, what do you think?” Both looking at Giselle, “I think it is a wonderful opportunity… but I don’t think this is something you need our opinion on. You know as your sisters, we are going to support whatever you do, so long as it does not cause you harm, but I think you’re looking for us to make this decision for you, and that we cannot.” Giselle gets up and leaves the living room. “I don’t want yall to-,” “I think you do,” Jhené interjects, “but that’s okay. It is a big decision and its natural to want to consider how we feel, but this is more of a you thing you know; we’re both very proud of you though Lola.” Jhené gets up and gives her a hug then goes to check on Giselle. Lola slumps down into the sofa and looks up at the ceiling, well that did not go how I expected…

Loving Lola- Ch. 37

A “Piece” of Mind.

“Welcome to the Artis et Operis Gallery, where every piece of art has a story to tell!”

Although these past few days have been a rollercoaster of crazy ass emotions, with a hardy helping of bullshit on a stick, coming to work always makes me forget everything I thought mattered because here, they don’t. My life is far from perfect, but this, being able to find works of art that not only speaks to me, but echoes volumes to everyone who sees it, fills me with this peace that I never thought I’d find. I’ve always known that I wasn’t the, “running a company type”. Sitting in the big chair at the head of the table was never my forte, I was content with just having a seat at the table. However, that contentment was never enough. Have you ever felt like you’ve just been putting one foot in front the other, not really knowing where you were headed? That was my life before this Gallery. For years, I’ve just been climbing this hill of hierarchy for the sake of my family, constantly wondering if there would be anything left at the top for me. That kind of uncertainty would probably force others in my position to work their hardest just so they can get the chance to see what lies at the top, but that didn’t fuel me at all. If anything, it just made me feel empty inside. Not only was I not confident in my abilities at holding my seat at the table, but I also found myself parading around in a mask of self-assurance, shrouding in despair. I could not take living unsure of what was to be of my life anymore, but I didn’t have the power to leave on my own.

The first time a piece of art spoke to me, something inside me clicked, and everything just made sense in that moment. I’m not even sure if it was the piece itself, or if it was the way it made me feel. When I looked at it, the story it told helped me see how things in my life would never change just by aimlessly placing one foot in front of the other. I realized I was only trying to fit into a pair of shoes that were clearly not meant for me and that, that gave me the power I needed to leave my family’s company. The hardest thing was leaving my sisters behind, but I knew if I only stayed for them, I would just resentment them later so, I did what was best for me. I’m sure they all thought I was either stupid or selfish for leaving, but by doing so, I found something I was never going to find being there, and that’s happiness and a peace of mind.

Loving Lola- Ch. 32

Can’t let go of the past.

Giselle and Jhené stare at Lola menacingly as she walks back to the table. She sits down and takes a big sip of her drink peering up at her sisters. She lets out a big sigh, covers her mouth and softly screams. “Why is life so complicated?” she says to them. “Go on and tell us what happened” Jhené says, “and by the way that woman was looking at us, I can tell that it’s something juicy” adds Giselle. “What woman?” Lola asks. “The one who was with Sam girl. She had the nastiest attitude, and she thought she was slick watching us through her little mirror, like girl we clearly see you dummy.” Jhené says rolling her eyes. “Oh yeah her! I don’t know what her problem was, her attitude was very rude when I saw them outside to.” “Outside? Yall were talking outside?” asks Giselle. “Not really, after I hung up with Eric, I was on my way back in when I bumped, literally bumped, into Sam. I apologized, then said some stuff, he said some stuff, and then we said our goodbyes. But yeah no, she did not like us speaking at all. I think she likes him.” They both look at her with a stale face. “Duh girl, she would not have been acting like that if she was just his friend.” Jhené says angrily. “… Do yall think he likes her?” Lola asks. “Why? What does it matter?” asks Giselle. “I don’t know, I was just wondering, but you’re right that’s none of my business.” Giselle looks at her and sips her drink. “Oh, let me tell yall about Eric,” “hold up, I have to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Giselle stands up and leaves the table. Jhené looks at her in concern, “what happened? Is she okay?” Lola asks looking behind her, “oh yeah, I’m sure she’s fine.” Jhené says eating a fork-full of food.

Giselle stands in the bathroom, arms folded with her back against the door. Why did he have to come back?! Has he not caused enough damage to our family already? He needs to just let go of this silly crush and leave well enough alone! She walks over the sink and turns on the water. She looks at herself in the mirror with her hands planted on the sink, I cannot let this happen a second time. She washes her hands, takes a paper towel, and leaves the bathroom. When she returns to the table, Jhené and Lola watches as she sits down. “Are you better now?” Lola asks. “Oh yeah, I’m good. I do want to hear about you and Eric though, so go on.” Jhené peers at her from the corner of her eye, and Giselle does the same back at her. Lola blissfully unaware, excitedly tells them about her conversation with Eric.

In the car, there is silence between Trisha and Sam. “You two are awfully chummy for you guys not to have much history,” Trisha says breaking the silence. “I never said we did not have history, I just said she was but a memory as of late; but what was up with you back there? You were very rude to her. I am sure if you got to know Lola-” “NO!” She yells interrupting him. “Why would I want to be friends with a woman who clearly broke your heart?! She doesn’t love you like I… Just forget it, it doesn’t even matter anymore.” Silence fills the car once again. Sam pulls up to Trisha’s house and parks in the driveway. Trisha gathers her things and thanks him for the meal. “I’m sorry for how I acted, I was out of line.” She opens the door and pauses, just before stepping out, she turns to Sam, kisses his lips and quickly gets out of the car slamming the door behind her. Sam watches as she goes to the door, she turns around one last time and waves goodbye. He smiles and waves back then watches as she goes inside. He sits there for a moment and his smile slowly goes away, I’m sorry Trish, but I can’t give you what you want, I gave my heart away a long time ago, and I am not about to lose her again. This is a new beginning; I am going to seal this deal tomorrow for the studio and I will get back to my passion. She will see that I am not a fuck up, and that I am worth Lola’s time. This time Giselle, I will not back down. He puts the car in reverse, backs out of the driveway, and heads home.

Loving Lola- Ch. 29


“Lola!” Sam yells in shock. Trisha looks restlessly at Sam’s reaction, and begins to feel uneasy about their encounter. “Sam! Hey!” Lola says looking at him then at Trisha. It’s that woman. Giselle and Jhené overhears a commotion and notices Sam and Lola’s confrontation. They watch their interaction with confusion and concern. Sam stands up hastily and introduces Trisha, “Um, this is my co-worker, Trisha, and Trisha, this is my- uh, erm, Lola. We went to University together.” Trisha looks at Lola but doesn’t say anything. “Oh, we met earlier, fantastic choice on the peach margarita by the way, it’s delicious.” Lola says smiling, Trisha smirks and looks away. There is an awkward silence for a moment. “Wha-” “Well, I don’t want to intrude on your date,” Lola interjects, “it was great seeing you again Sam” Lola says gently touching his arm. “And nice to meet you as well Trisha.” Lola waves and proceeds to the bathroom. Giselle and Jhené look at Sam as he sits back down at the table. Sam looks up, and they lock eyes, he then quickly looks away and continues his meal. Lola reaches the bathroom and places her back against the door. Her palms are sweaty, and her heart is racing, and she does not understand why. She walks over to the sink and turns on the faucet to rinse her hands. She looks up at herself in the mirror and cannot shake this strange feeling in her chest. She dries her hands and goes into the stall to use the restroom. She sits there for a moment contemplating on who that woman is to Sam. He said that she was a co-worker… but the way she looked at me… She finishes and goes to wash her hands. Hahaha, what am I thinking? Just before yesterday, I had forgotten of his existence; I haven’t seen him in years…So why should I care who he’s out with? She grabs some paper towels and tries to snap herself back to reality, I don’t care! I am focusing on me! No more men, no more issues, no more! She says looking in the mirror. She stands there quietly for a moment. She opens the door, throws the paper towel away and leaves the restroom returning to her booth without acknowledging their table. With her back facing Sam, she carries on with her meal as if nothing happened.

Trisha and Sam sit in an uncomfortable silence. Trisha watches Sam as he sits there quietly eating. His mood, the vibe, it all changed drastically after he saw her, who the fuck is this woman?! “I’m sorry, for putting you in an awkward position Trish.” Sam says. Shocked, Trish looks away from him and takes a sip of her drink. “Who is she?” she asks. “Hm?” “Lola, who is she to you?” She asks not looking at him. Sam sits there quietly, pushing his food around on his plate. “Honestly, I don’t know.” Trisha glances up at him, “Up until yesterday, she was just a memory.” Sam looks in Lola’s direction, flashes a faint smile then back at his plate. Trisha squeezes her fork angrily, I knew it! Whoever she is, he’s given her his heart a long time ago. I refuse to let this bitch take him away from me.

Giselle and Jhené look at Lola as she sits there eating in silence. “Can yall please not stare at me, I literally feel the heat from your eyes burning a hole into my forehead.” “Are we really going to sit here and not talk about what just happened?” Giselle says to her. “Yes.” She replies not looking at them. They sit there quietly. “Damnit, all I wanted to do, was have a simple meal, at my favorite place, and now I can’t even enjoy it.” Jhené says folding her arms. Lola lets out a deep sigh, “can we just act like whatever happened didn’t happen?” “No, because clearly something is bothering you.” Jhené says. “Didn’t we literally just talk about this at your house?” says Giselle. Lola squints her eyes and looks at her, “wow, that’s a low blow.” “No, it’s the truth. Just talk to us and stop holding stuff in, the sooner you say what you’re feeling, the better you’d feel.” I’m not so sure about that… I don’t even know what I’m feeling… Ring, ring, ring, “So are you going to tell us what happened or not?” Jhené says impatiently. Lola rolls her eyes and grabs her phone from her purse, ring, ring, ring, “are you not going to answer that?” asks Gisselle. “It’s Eric.” Lola says staring at the phone.

Loving Lola- Ch. 22

Self Love.

“Lola, forget the men. Forget the relationships. Forget trying to be enough for everyone else, you need to be enough for you, you need to love yourself. Do you love yourself?” “Of course I do.” “Are you sure? Because the woman I see here does not seem like she deems herself worthy of love from anyone, especially herself.” “I’m not some frail flower who wants to off herself because men suck, I love me okay? This is just how I cope.” “I don’t believe that this is just a coping mechanism, and I don’t think you do either.” “Giselle, no offense, but you have no jurisdiction to tell me how I feel about myself. You don’t have to go through what I go through because EVERYONE loves you. You can have any man you want. I mean come on, you’re smart, and beautiful, and dad’s favorite. You are a natural born leader, people look up to you, they have always looked up to you; you’re flawless. So, I’m sorry if me not wanting to get hurt anymore comes off as having no self-worth, if anything, I think that means I love myself more than enough to not accept that shit any further.” “Flawless? Are you serious? Where have you been? My life is far from perfect. I must tell myself I am beautiful every day because if I don’t, I won’t ever hear it. Men may flock to me, but it is only because of my position of power. They just want to sleep with the face of the company, hoping that fucking the President will ensure a higher standing with our father. Nonetheless, even as the CEO’s daughter, I had to work my ass off to get to where I am. Since I am woman, a black woman at that, Corporate America is not kind to me. Yes, I am smart, but do not think anything was given to me. I fight hard as fuck to prove to OUR father that I am good enough to stay where I am. The shit yall see on the outside is just the brand. So, when I ask if you love yourself, it is not an assumption, because I know exactly what not having self-worth looks like. I have dealt with it my entire life. They have groomed me into being someone I had no choice to be. It is so easy for people to look at you and feel like your life is perfect because of a position you hold, or the amount of comma’s in your bank account. I am lonely as fuck too. I will not lie and say I don’t get depressed and I don’t question if I am enough for me, because this life is double edged sword. It is so easy to not feel worthless when everything is going well, and you are happy, but can you love yourself right now when you feel like shit? I will never tell you how you should feel, because I am not you, but I am telling you that those times when you don’t feel your greatest, you, Lola, are not less worthy of love then, than when you are happy.” Lola begins to cry, she grabs her sister and hugs her tight, “Giselle I am so sorry, I know that your life hasn’t been easy, you have always looked out for us and put our needs before yours. I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish! I left you to carry this burden on your own with no thought of how you must feel. You deserve to be happy every day, because you are smart, and amazing, and beautiful. Yes, I feel worthless most days, but you guys make me feel invincible when I’ve beaten myself down. I don’t care that these guys don’t see me, because I know yall do. I know I am worth loving, because even when I can’t find the love for myself, you and Jhené give it to me. I am a work in progress, and I am slowly finding myself, but it was always because of the love you guys gave me.”


I want you to burn that shit inside your mind. Put it on repeat, and then rewind.

It’s appreciating every piece of the bad; going into the future, and from the past.

Acknowledging that you may have some flaws and loving that shit just because.

Knowing your perfections are built in those and understanding that none of you can be disposed.

It’s more than saying it to get through the day but believing it every step of the way.

Realizing that YOU ARE good enough, especially when the smooth turns to rough.

It’s more than having confidence because self-love doesn’t create narcissists.

You are both important and competent; worth loving and are proud of it.

But mostly, it’s about forgiveness, really, being able to bear witness.

While loving everything you have to offer; the ugly, and the beautiful with no falter.

Loving Lola- Ch. 20

No More Hurt.

Knock, knock, knock, Giselle and Jhené have been outside waiting for Lola to open the door. “I don’t think she can hear us, that music is too loud.” Jhené says, “yeah, I’m just going to call her.” Giselle calls Lola, interrupting her music. She runs to the phone and disconnects it from the loudspeaker. “Hello?” “Can you open the door please? We’ve been out here knocking for at least 7 minutes now.” “What? I didn’t even hear anything.” “WE KNOW!” “My bad, here I come.” Click. Lola rushes to the door to let them in. “I’m so sorry, I was cleaning the house, and yall know how I get when I’m in my zone.” “Well it definitely smells better in here,” Giselle comments. “Gee, thanks. So, what’s up?” “Well we came over because we wanted to hear all about your date last night,” “yeah, seeing how you haven’t answered any of our phone calls or responded to any of our texts” Jhené says rolling her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry yall, I just really needed to clean my house.” Lola says picking up trash. Giselle and Jhené look at each other. “So instead of calling us back assuring your safety, you decided to clean up? What’s up, is everything okay?” “Yeah, everything is fine. Yall seen how this place was, a deep cleaning was well overdue.” “You know you can tell us anything right?” “There’s nothing to tell, I’m fine.”

There is a brief moment of silence. “So, the date? Did it go well?” asks Jhené. “Actually yes. He took me to possibly one of the most beautiful restaurants that I’ve ever seen. It sat on the side of the mountain, and had this amazing garden, which we walked through before dinner. Once we sat down to eat, we laughed and had very enticing conversation the whole time, and then we ended the night off with a walk along this trail that ran up the side of the mountain.” “Oh, that sounds really nice,” says Giselle “Yeah, it was. I’m still surprised he got me to walk on a trail at night.” Lola chuckles. “So, what’s the problem?” “Problem? There. Is. No. Problem.” Lola says scrubbing her bathtub profusely. “Lola stop, tell us what happened?” Giselle says. Lola doesn’t say anything and keeps scrubbing. “Did something happen?” Jhené asks concerned. She stops and puts her head down, “No, I’m just tired that’s all. He didn’t do anything so don’t worry, he’s a nice guy.” “So then what’s wrong?” Lola takes a deep sigh, “he said some things that I cannot escape from, and he’s right.” “What did he say?” “Nothing that I didn’t already know.” “Well can you help us understand?” “…The night he met us, he said that even through my smile he could see I wasn’t truly happy, and that’s fine because I wasn’t really trying to hide the fact that I wasn’t too happy about being out, but then he started saying things… saying the truth, and it killed me to know that someone outside of you guys saw through me that easily.

I am trying to forget the past. I am trying to forget the hurt. I am trying to accept the harsh reality that, I may never be enough for anyone; I will always be good, but never good enough. People don’t understand how hard that pill is to swallow, but I drink my water every day to get it down. You think I like pasting this smile on face? You think I enjoy feeling empty inside after believing that maybe, just maybe this guy, or the last guy actually meant what they said when they told me “I want you”, or that “you’re beautiful”, or my favorite, “I love you”? Because I don’t. I try to see the action behind the words, and when I don’t, I don’t hold on for some miraculous day where they’ll wake up and see how great I really am, I let go like how I’m supposed to. But to sit here and say that there isn’t a piece of me that is chipped away after every failed encounter, would be the biggest lie of them all. I wish all of these repressed feelings never existed, but even when I try and fix it, I realize it’s too late, because sadly, the damage is too great. Yet, when I tell myself, you’ve been here before, for some odd reason I can’t think straight, but then it all hits me, these men… they were only bodies of hard shells filled with nothing but empty space. So, Eric may be a great guy, who is a genuine person that truly believes I deserve to simply smile… but I refuse to get my hopes up and be let down once again.”

Loving Lola- Ch. 18

I’m Sorry…

Lola stands there quietly. “Look, Lola I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries, I just really like you and I wanted you to know that you don’t have to hide anything from me.” She looks at him with a straight face, “you’re right, you don’t know me. Excuse me.” Lola starts to head back to the cars, “wait, where are you going?” He says grabbing her hand. “Home.” “What? But I thought we were having a good time?” Lola looks away, “maybe this all happened too quickly… Thank you for an amazing evening, good night Eric.” She turns and walks away. Eric stands there upset and confused as he watches Lola as she disappears from the trail. Lola makes it back to her car, unlocks the door and sits there for a moment. She looks up to ceiling and lets out a big sigh, then cranks up her car and drives away. Once she arrives home, she throws her purse on the bed and kicks off her shoes. She removes her dress and puts on a big t-shirt then makes her way to the bathroom. She begins washing the makeup off her face and then stops, she stares at herself in the mirror, “I could clearly see your sadness no matter how you tried to hide it.” She plays back the words Eric spoke to her in her head. She splashes her face with water and looks down into the sink, ding, ding, she hears her phone going off in the room then looks up at herself once more. She dries her face, cuts off the light, and the leaves the bathroom. Ding, ding, her phone goes off again, but she ignores it. She climbs into bed, turns off the light, and closes her eyes.

The next morning, Lola wakes up to 4 missed calls and 17 unread text messages, 15 of which from her sisters. However, sees two messages from Eric and clicks to open them, “Hey, I’m not sure what happened but I just want to apologize. I know sometimes I speak without thinking, but I never intended to make you feel like I knew anything about you, if anything, I’d hope you let me get to know you in time, and I hope I did not mess up my chances to do that.” “Anyway, I had an amazing time with you tonight, I hope this isn’t our last encounter, but if it is, I understand. You are truly a beautiful woman, inside and out and you deserve someone who will never let you go a day thinking otherwise. Have a good night Lola.” Her eyes begin to water but she quickly pulls herself together, WORDS, WORDS, ALL OF THESE FUCKING WORDS! I am so tired of the “you deserve” “you’re so perfect” “you’re so beautiful” because… Regardless of how amazingly beautiful, and perfect I am, I will still never be enough. Goodbye Eric. She drops her phone on the bed, goes into the bathroom, and shuts the door.

“Have you heard from Lola?” asks Giselle. “No, she hasn’t responded to any of my calls or texts.” “Yeah, she hasn’t responded to the group chat either. You think the date went well?” “Knowing her, anything could have happened; I just hope she’s okay.” “She’s alright, if anything she’s probably still asleep, you know she doesn’t get up till about one in the afternoon, and that’s on a good day. Don’t worry, she’s a big girl, she’ll tell us about it when she’s ready.”

Eric rolls over and checks his phone, no new messages. He puts his phone down and wipes his face then gets out of bed making his way to the bathroom. He turns on the shower then begins removing his clothes. He walks over by the sink and grabs his rag and towel then proceeds to get in the shower. Ring, ring, ring. Before he is fully submerged in the water, he hears his phone going off in the room. He quickly runs to the bedroom and checks the phone to see who is calling. Disappointed, he sees that it is Justin. “Hello?” “Yo E! What’s up? How was the date?” “Justin I can’t talk right now; I’ll call you back later.” “Huh? You ight man?” “Yeah, I’m gone hit you back later alright?” “Ight then, hit me back.” Click. Eric lets out a big sigh, tosses his phone on the bed then goes into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.

The Deep

Always in three feet never too far, no one can ever see these scars. Wrapped and bandaged up real tight, out of mind and out of sight. Catching feelings is what we despise, but we still sit back and watch the water rise. No life guards to keep you safe, and now the water is at your waist. Facades and fake smiles are hidden within, but one by one they rip away from the skin. Can’t let anyone see your imperfections, so you hit the water to blur your reflection. The tides coming in and sadly you’re stuck, if only you really didn’t give a fuck. Acting is one thing, but the feelings are there, now your heads under water and you’re scared.
Sink or swim are the only options, but the water will never go down, you can only hope that the deeper you go, your feelings won’t let you drown.

– S.T.

The Woman with the Broken Flower.

Water flowed so freely here once upon a time.

Back when all the rose petals were bright and in their prime.

The stem was just remarkably placed, a body held so strong,

But now its all bent out of shape, from everything that went wrong.

Some say her thorns could pierce the skin barely when they touch,

That they were there to ward off those who played with her too much.

Truth be told, those horns of hers were really a mirage,

Purposely placed there perfectly, a trap for sabotage.

Why should something so beautiful ever bring you harm?

Yet still those thorns upon the rose were left with no alarm.

As time went on the flowers beauty had slowly began to fade,

She was evilly placed out from the sun, now into the shade.

Her color was no longer, that bright and vibrant hue,

But now it was so very dull, like a silent heartfelt adieu.

Wilted, and soaked in tears overflown from the past,

This broken flowers final petal fell to the ground at last.